we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
