I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
