did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
