Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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