He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm both gender and math confused
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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