I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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