I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
