why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
