I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
