At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
