I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
