Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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