Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
