So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
