I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
