Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
