There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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