I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You are a genius and a whore.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
