You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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