I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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