a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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