I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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