I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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