if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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