I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
