there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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