I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
