Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
