Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
