Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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