guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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