I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
