I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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