he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
