mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn