If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."