i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?