How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!