I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
