i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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