This is not my ceiling
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
