The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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