I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
