Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
