dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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