If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
