I think I died a long time ago.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
