thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
