How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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