She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
