we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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