My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Still dying that you shit outside
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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