I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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