Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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