how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
