I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
