note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
