Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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