She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
