Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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