So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
