He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
