Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
