Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Couch. On fire.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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