okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
