Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
