My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
