we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
