hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My dick has a subreddit
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
