New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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