I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
