Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
