i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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