the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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