Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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